Tag Archives: money mindset

What To Do When You Know You’re Failing

There was an article in the New York Times last Sunday about failed start-ups.

But no one was wallowing in their sorrows or crying into their raw vanilla lattes.

In fact, one savvy entrepreneur had organized a yearly conference–FailCon–where entrepreneurs came together to share their stories and celebrate their failures.

Some had squandered millions of angel investor money.  One had a product that no one liked.  He shut the whole company down, told his story at the conference, and then had 100,000 requests for information.  That guy might have wallowed a bit.

FailCon eventually failed, too.  (Oh, the irony.)  They decided to call it quits in the U.S. once they realized that failure as a badge of honor was finally on everyone’s radar.

In Transformational Coaching we have a paradigm that says this:

There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.

On the one hand, yes, it’s an invitation to turn failures into learning experiences, to glean what you can from the choices you made and to move on to the next adventure with more wisdom under your belt.

Macro FailCon!

Love it.  It’s smart.  It’s important to be on entrepreneurial people’s radar.  But there’s more.

What happens when you’re failing in the moment?

When you’re face-to-face with a client or prospect and your message isn’t landing?  When your audience is restless?  When you hear white noise after a launch or a client isn’t following through on your suggestions?

Before you decide YOU are a failure, broken, out of her league, totally unloveable and barely human, take a deep breath.

Remind yourself that failure isn’t an invitation to find yourself lacking.

Rather, failure is simply an invitation to do something, anything, different.

There’s no such thing as failure, only feedback.

Feedback that tells you to try something new.

Be willing to abandon your plan and ad lib until something connects.

Be willing to skip the notes and speak from your heart about what you’re passionate about.

Be willing to rework a product.

Tweak the language you use to promote it.

Refer a client on to someone else if necessary.

Success doesn’t have a recipe.

It’s an intuitive experiment where you use what’s available.  Maybe some raspberry jam and chipotle peppers, tofu and kale leads to an exquisite new taste sensation.

Or maybe it leads to “Meh,” and begs for more experimentation.

Keep experimenting in everything.

And be willing to change course as needed until something sticks.

FailCon did.  They didn’t last in the U.S.  So they went global, instead.  They took their important message to new people who hadn’t heard it, yet.  Invitation accepted!

(Oh, and the raspberry jam, chipotle peppers, tofu, kale?  Exquisite!)

 

I’m curious…have you ever had a business disaster that you salvaged by trying something different? I’d love to hear about it. Leave a comment below and share your story.  Let’ have a mini FailCon!

Good News! There’s No Such Thing as Self-Sabotage

I love a paradigm shift!

Here’s a keeper I’m learning to love because it’s helped me revisit some situations in my life and see them with fresh eyes.  Like I put in the contacts I didn’t know I needed.

Everyone is winning the game they are playing.

This didn’t make a lot of sense the first time I heard it.

Partly because it was followed by this gem:

There’s no such thing as self-sabotage.

Excuse me?  Come again?  I like to think I know a thing or two about self-sabotage.

Sabotage means “the act of destroying or damaging something deliberately so that it doesn’t work correctly.”

The good news is…

When we seemingly sabotage ourselves, it’s not deliberate.  We really can’t help it because there’s a force greater than us that lives in our heads and takes the wheel when it thinks we’re doomed.

Which should come as a huge relief.

Perverse, I know.  But true. 

Relief because we can officially stop hating on ourselves for not following through on our resolutions, plans, goals, dreams.  For bumping up against that wall and letting it stop us.  For not doing more, being more, succeeding more, trying more.

We can officially start being more kind to ourselves because we’re not broken.  In fact, we are working perfectly, as designed.

Our methods just might be a little old school, that’s all.

Have you ever been really close to getting something you want and then done something dumb that derailed the whole forward momentum you’d built up?

Quit, for example, (because something wasn’t perfect)?  Compulsively ate the pint of gelato?  Threw a mortifying tantrum at someone important?  Shopping spree!!  (Just as the credit card balance finally hit zero)?

These are some classic hits from my repertoire.

It’s what we’ve all come the think of as self-sabotage.

We’re winning the game we are playing.

What’s really going on is we are playing, and winning, a game that we’ve been playing for so long that it feels safe even if it hurts us.  It feels like we only have that one option and that there are no other choices.

Take my game of binge shopping and credit card debt.  Nordstrom’s and Lululemon were like heroin to me.  I still feel the pull of their siren song.  Sigh.

The game might be that I’ve linked cute clothes (and upscale labels) with belonging to a certain group of people.  I’m trying to fit in.

Or the game might be that credit card debt was a secret that my mom shared with me, but kept from my dad.  A part of my brain still links credit card debt to mother’s love.

Or the act of shopping itself was a way to numb intense emotions.  I needed to be numb in order to survive another day in a job that made me cry or a relationship that had gone to the South Pole.  So I shopped, and felt better for a moment.

It’s a matter of programming.

The unhelpful games we play with our money or our health or our loved ones are usually habitual and deeply patterned in our brains.  When I’m triggered, I’m preprogrammed to log on to Zappo’s or polish off a bag of ginger snaps.

That’s why simple resolve, or willpower, won’t work on some of the games we’ve been playing for years.

Our brains are convinced that the games we are playing—the binge eating, binge shopping, discomfort with having more than a certain amount of money in the bank—are what we HAVE to do to maintain a sense of love or to stay safe or to be part of our clan.

Willpower alone won’t be able to tear us away from those games.  What we are experiencing is, on some level, exactly what we want to be experiencing.

What we need for healing, growth and success are new games that keep that love, safety and a sense of belonging intact.

It’s not about getting rid of unwanted behaviors by overpowering them.

It’s about creating new choices that feel aligned with our desires and still totally doable.

It’s about designing some new games and learning to play them with joy and enthusiasm.

It’s not a DIY project (says the former queen of attempted DIY personal growth, aka, the queen of the “fakethrough”).  Coaches and mentors are game designers that help speed you to your highest potential.

Growth is complex and messy and full of tangles.   It takes a little time to loosen the threads on the old games that are so easy to play.

But how exciting and gratifying when the work clicks and you start to make different choices without even having to think about it.

Dare I say, it’s game changing?

 

Are you ready to start changing the games you’re playing around your money mindset, so you can make the amazing money you deserve?  I’m here to help!!  Schedule a complimentary Money Mindset Breakthrough Session today.  It’s a No Fakethrough Zone.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Midnight. Do You Know Where Your Money Is?

Do you ever wonder why some people succeed at the game of money and others don’t, in spite of trying, especially in light of the fact that we are all basically created equal?

I got really curious about this when I was offering straight-up business coaching.

Some people ran with the advice.

And others circled the cul-de-sac and couldn’t seem to find the exit.

Turns out, there are some specific habits that money-savvy people have.  You can have them, too.

A little attention given to the right area on a regular basis and a habit is born.  (Tweet that!)

A good one.

One that will make a difference to your bottom line.

(BTW, who knew that iMovie reverses the images?  Pardon the graph blooper towards the end.  It flipped!)

Prefer to read?  Click here for the transcript.

 

What you focus on expands!  (Tweet that, too!)

 

What do you do to keep your money story front and center?  Leave a comment below and let us know your favorite way to stay focused on your money.

 

Stop Feeding the Fire. Shine Your Own Light, Instead.

Today’s video might just piss someone off.

It’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Because I’ll go to the mat for this tip.

I’ve said it before.  We’re on this journey to increased wealth together.  I started from scratch.

I wasn’t living in my car, or anything.  But…

Pea-sized bank balance.  Heinous day job.  Zero confidence in my skill as a coach or writer or transformational leader in spite of a big gulp of certificates and trainings under my belt.  Which ultimately meant feeling like a fraud every time I’d ask for money for my service.

So I started experimenting.  I tried things.  Everything I’ve mentioned here (and am covering in this series).

I’m sharing what’s had a big impact on my life.

And today’s tip is one of those things that sounds harsh, but completely shifted my ability to see the possibilities for myself and my future.

May it do the same for you, Sweet Pea.  You deserve a clear vision of your magnificent self and all the support in the world to let her shine.

Prefer to read?  Click here to get the transcript (more or less).

When you stop feeding the fire by engaging, it eventually putters out. Tweet: When you stop feeding the fire by engaging, it eventually putters out.  #mindmoneywealthproject at http://ctt.ec/9dO2b+

Did I miss anything?  Other than stuff, junk food for the brain or toxic people, is there anything else you need to say clear out of your environment in order to say yes to the money you deserve?

Leave a comment below and let us know!

 

How to Keep Stirring Up Stuck Energy so Money Can Flow

What do you have to say no to so you can say yes to what you want?

There’s a constant juggling of yes and no as we move towards a dream of financial freedom.  Or any dream, really.

Last week, we said no to stuff.  We cleared out some money-blocking energy and put it on the curb.

That feels better, right?

It’s not just the corners of your living room or the drawers in your desk that hold stuck energy, though.

In today’s video, we look a second area in your life that might be begging for a good purge.

Let’s see how to stir up some more stuck energy this week.

 

Prefer to read?  Click here to get the transcript.

Resources to energize and uplift your energy.

This list is not even close to being complete.  It’s just…deadlines!!!

But here’s a question for you.  What is your best suggestion for media that’s inspiring, uplifting, positive and joy-based?  What would you recommend to the rest of us?  Leave a comment below and enlighten us!

And stay tuned.  Next week we Declutter the Danger Zone!  And get you one step closer to your goal.

Manifestation 101: Dare to Dream

 

I had an unsettling conversation with a massage therapist recently.  She struggles on a daily basis to make ends meet.

She squeaks by month after month and has actually gotten used to the stress of that.  It’s just the way life is.  Her life, anyway.

I felt sad as I listened to her story.

She’d be massaging necks for the rest of her life because she’d been bad with her money in her prime earning years.  She’d never had a university education, so her earning potential was next to nothing.  The market was saturated, so she didn’t stand a chance.  (I learned that there are 6,000 massage therapists in our small city—that’s one for every 20 people!)

Some serious hustle will need to happen to make a living.

Or else some more serious excuses to stay of the game and stuck struggling.

Her big dream…

Her big dream was to be able to go the the movies once a month.

I gently pressed for more dreams and desires and she fought me all the way to, “Okay, fine.  I want a ground floor apartment so my clients don’t have to climb stairs.”

On the bright side, she was doing many things well.  No debt.  A little savings.  Spending less than she makes.  She acknowledged that the Universe always provides just enough to pay her bills and shop for food.  She even manifested a new car not long ago when hers went to the great junkyard in the sky.

Still, her big dream is a ground floor apartment.

What’s wrong with ground floor apartments?

Nothing against ground floor apartments, but do you see what’s so, so wrong with this picture?

She’s manifesting exactly what she wants and the Universe is providing exactly what she asks for.

Nothing.

Rather, nothing more that what she has already—just enough business to pay the bills; a roof over her head (no extra charge for the stairs); an opportunity to work the rest of her life.

Woo Hoo!

The really sad part…

Okay, the really sad part? She really is hustling to market her business.  Making cold calls, getting press, distributing rack cards, networking events, investing in a website.

In her efforts to change her situation and manifest more business, more income, she’s mastering the part that most people skip and skipping the part that most people master.

Now, I’m the queen of doing things in the reverse order, but our lovely therapist is neglecting to build a foundation for manifestation that no amount of taking action will make up for.

Before you take one step towards your dream, you have to have a dream.  (Tweet that!)

The dream is the foundation.

Without dreams, the Universe doesn’t know how to coordinate happy accidents, present serendipitous moments or open doors for you.  It won’t know which doors to open if it doesn’t know where you want to go.

The moment you decide what you want, the wheels of the Universe start turning.  One cog connects to another connects to a drive train connects to a fan belt connects to a wheel connects to the exact next thing that puts you closer to your dream.

That next thing may look like nothing to you.

It’s impossible to know.

What’s important…

It’s important to have faith in the magic of the Universe and to stay open to what presents itself.

It’s important to believe that the Universe doesn’t put opportunities in front of you unless you are ready to reach for them.

It’s important to leave the “how” up to the Universe and keep doing your part—dreaming your dream and taking actions.

No action is wrong.  If you go off course, the Universe recalibrates.

It’s important to know that having a dream, no matter how far-fetched it may seem, is your soul’s way of prompting you to expand into your greatness and to expand into your full potential.

Your soul yearns for expansion and growth.  Squeaking by in a top floor apartment and manifesting just enough to cover the bills denies your soul’s purpose and its desire for you—growth and wholeness.

Making amazing money isn’t bad.  It’s a way to honor your soul’s desire for growth and wholeness.  It’s part of your spiritual path.  (Tweet that, too!)

This is a belief that’s worth incorporating into your belief system!

Making amazing money is part of your spiritual path.

Just set a course and hold the vision and the faith.

Above all, dare to dream.

 

If this article spoke to you, please share it with your friends.

And if you’re dreaming like crazy, but still struggling to get to the amazing money you deserve, consider scheduling a Money Mindset Breakthrough Session with me.  I can help open the floodgates!

 

How to Talk About Money + An Exercise for Loving Yourself

A few weeks ago, I had a Money Mindset Breakthrough Session with a client and she was in trouble.  Clinging to a cooler lid in a roiling sea of debt.  Desert island shrinking to her view as she drifted farther into the middle of the ocean.

It was bleak.  There were probably sharks.  Or giant squid.

Pardon the melodrama.

But I know how it feels to be caught in the undertow.

My story didn’t involve squid, but it did involve sleepless nights, a constant low-grade frustration and lots of complaining.

I’m not a financial adviser or a debt counselor, and if you’re in massive debt, that may be your first call before you call me.

But problems tend to stick around until they’re solved.

And if you don’t solve the underlying issues around fear, low self-worth and misguided mindset, you’ll keep swimming against the current and getting nowhere.

In my own story, I’d pay off one credit card only to max out another.  Or, worse, open one more.

Nordstrom’s almost ruined me.

I hated my job, so I’d work as little as possible to keep from going under completely.  I wouldn’t look at my bills, or my bank balances, so there were a lot of overdraft fees that made the bank happy.  And a little richer.

I’d overspend and tell myself I deserved it when I really felt like I didn’t deserve anything good and I hated myself with gusto.  It was a time of personal turmoil in my life and shopping was a coping mechanism.

It all made me feel so guilty.

Which just kept the problem alive and well.

A smack-down from the Universe.

You know how sometimes someone makes a random comment and it feels like the Universe just shook you by the shoulders and said, “Listen up, Sunshine!”

Back in the Nordstrom days, I had that experience.  I was finishing a yoga teacher training in Bellevue, Washington, and my teacher, Aadil Palkhivala, said to the group, “Quit complaining.  Never, ever complain.  About anything.”

So simple, but I felt like I’d been outed before I was ready.

I was a chronic complainer.

And, embarrassed as I was to admit it, if only to myself, I knew the Universe had singled me out and spoken through Aadil.

The Universe told me to cut it out.  Quit bitching.

If you’re revamping your money mindset, it’s so important to watch what you say about money.

What you say out loud is just a reflection of the unrelenting stream of thoughts that pass through your brain.  Thousands of them every day.

Since the circumstances of your life are your thoughts come true, what you say out loud only reinforces those circumstances.

So, watch what you say about money.

  • Talk about what you want, what you see is possible for you, your dreams and aspirations and vision for your ideal life.
  • Make a vision board if it helps to have a visual reminder of what you know is possible for you.  Look at it often.  My friend Stacey made one on PicMonkey and put it on her desktop.  She sees it every time she opens her computer.
  • Never, ever put yourself down for not having enough money or for not being more together financially.  Pull yourself up by focusing on what’s right in your life.

Speaking of focusing on what’s right, try this exercise.   It will help you learn to love yourself.

[box]HOW TO LOVE EVERY PART OF YOURSELF

Make a list of 31 things that you love about yourself. 

Your curly hair.  Your creative spirit.  Your ability to make people laugh.

Choose one thing from your list to focus on each day for a month. 

Every time you catch yourself worrying about money or beating yourself up for any reason, focus on that one thing you love about yourself.

Savor it.  Feel the love for yourself.  Deeply appreciate who you are for a moment instead of hating on yourself.

Break the destructive pattern and choose to love and take care of yourself yourself.[/box](Thanks to Lynn Grabhorn and her book, Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting, for teaching me this exercise.)

This exercise will change your life.

Taking care of your finances will flow naturally out of taking care of yourself.

  • Change your story.   In vivid detail, tell your new story of abundance.  Practice telling it to people who support you and want the best for you.  (If you’re still looking for those people, tell it to  your dog.  Your dog wants the best for you.)  Focus on what you want, rather that what you don’t want.  Give the Universe new thoughts and statements to work with.
  • Don’t blame Nordstrom’s.   It isn’t their fault.  Or the fault of the economy, or my husband, or my parents.  The moment I took responsibility for my own situation was the moment my situation started to change.
  • And of course, quit complaining.  No more bitch sessions with friends over coffee.  No more automatically looking for what’s wrong with a situation.  Give it up, now.  Be a ray of sunshine in the world.  Good things are drawn to light.

I believe that choosing to quit complaining was my first step in shifting my own money mindset.

And it helped transform the whole experience I now have with money and my consciousness around money and wealth.

Watch what you say around money.

It’s listening.

Your turn, Sunshine!  What’s one thing you love about yourself that you plan to focus on today?  Leave a comment below and let us know.

The Secret to Creating Lasting Change, Plus…Another Excuse to Follow the Fun!

I found an old journal not long ago.  It was a gratitude journal that I started as a New Year’s Resolution.  I was going to get grateful and write down all the things I was thankful for every night.

The last entry was January 9.

Nine days of gratitude and the journal stared gathering dust.  Like the rest of my resolutions that year, I’m sure.

Apparently I’m not alone.

88% of all resolutions end in failure! *

I don’t know if I feel better or worse.

It takes about 21 days to form a new habit.

At about day seven, though, the honeymoon ends.  You’re over the initial excitement of trying something new.  On Day 8 or 9,  the ruts that you know so well are singing their siren song and luring you farther away from your target.

To get through day 8-21, you’ll need some fortification.

In my Mind Money Wealth Program, I teach people the importance of creating new habits around mindset and money.  Some people need to create the daily habit of paying attention to their money.  Others need to get in the habit of marketing their business.  Still others need the habit of self-reflection and working to improve self-awareness in order to dissolve limiting beliefs.

Whatever new habits you need to create, it’s going to take willpower to make them stick.  So it’s a good idea to know how willpower works and when you’ll most need to strengthen your resolve so you can get through the gauntlet that is Day 8-21.

 

Here’s what you need to know about willpower.  And how to make use of a limited resource.

 

1.  Willpower is like a muscle.  Use it or lose it.

How many pushups can you do?  On a good day, I can drop and give you seven before I collapse red-faced on the floor.

Willpower is like a muscle.

In their book, Willpower, Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney found that willpower can get stronger in the long term with use and training.  They say, “people who exercise their willpower frequently. . .have better self-control.”

Better self control means getting through days 8-21.

So how do you train your willpower if you’re powerless over chocolate cake?  Or you simply can’t muster up the energy to work your marketing plan every day?

Train it by picking simple tasks that you can manage to practice every day.  Tasks that won’t increase your stress if you do succumb to the song of the siren.

Train for the big change by training yourself to stop cussing.  Or train yourself to sit up straight.  Or train yourself to take a deep breath before you speak.

Pick something simple to practice on a daily basis.  Watch it improve your ability to follow through with the hard tasks that create the big change in your life.  Like installing new beliefs or, my favorite, changing your mindset from one of poverty to one of prosperity.

 

2.  WARNING:  Willpower is weaker in the short term!

When it gets to metaphorical pushup number 8, and you’re tired and you’re spent, your willpower will fail you.

Willpower is both a renewable resource and a deplete-able resource and it’s most abundant in the morning when you’re refreshed and replenished.

“You only have a finite amount [of willpower] as you go through the day,” says Tierney.

In other words,  you’re going to run out at some point in your day.

Dang.  Not all news is good, here.

What to do when rations dwindle?  

First, do the hard things early when supplies are fresh.  Pull on your spandex shorts or sort your receipts or fiddle with your website first thing, while your resolve is strongest and on your side.

Second, don’t try to change all your bad habits at once.

Reconsider the New Year’s Resolution mania that grips our country.

A saner approach would be ONE new resolution each month.  Choose one thing and focus on changing that one thing only.  Put everything else you want to change in storage.

Think how far you’d go, how much could change, in just a year!

I’m an overachiever, so I’ve decided to add one good habit and take away one bad habit.  This month, I’m focused on health.  I’ve added daily rigorous exercise and I took away my bread and pasta habit.  That felt do-able, but I’m already an exerciser and a pretty careful eater.  I was already halfway there. Next month, I’ve got a big challenge planned, so I’ll probably just do the one.

See what feels right for you.  Be sure to be gentle with yourself for all the other things that are still in storage.  Deeply accept yourself.  Be patient and promise yourself that you’ll get to it when you the time is right.

 

3.  Stress and mental overload deplete willpower.

Studies show that just walking down a bustling city street can lower your resolve.

Apparently, all that stimuli and activity stresses out your cortex.  And your cortex draws energy from the same well as your willpower.

So, when you’re actively using willpower to transform yourself, as much as possible in our weird and overstimulating world, reduce input.

Limit your exposure to excess stimulation and create an environment that doesn’t drain you.

Go on a media diet (no more talk radio!).  Don’t go to the mall, watch too much TV, lollygag on the internet.  Spend time in nature (I find water especially calming).  Look to your own life and see where you get overstimulated and edgy.

Personally, I get twitchy in loud restaurants and have a really hard time keeping my hand out of the breadbasket.  So I stay away when I’m trying to conquer my carb habit.

 

4.  Which doesn’t mean you can’t have fun!

Researcher Juliano Laran found that people were more likely to complete a task when they were told the task was fun.  They got energy from believing the task was fun.

Energy equals willpower.

So as you’re creating your new habits, focus on what’s fun about the new habit and it will give you energy.

You may have to find the fun in the results you are after.  But by day 7 or 8, just when you start to struggle, you’ll most likely be seeing some results from your efforts.

Find the fun in your results.

I’ve been creating the habit of a daily writing practice.  How else will there ever be a book?  What’s stopped me in the past is not feeling I have anything to say.  But by showing up every day, by day 8, I created a respectable body of work, a first draft of a chapter.  I read back over my musings and was delighted to find nuggets that sound good and make sense.  To me, that’s fun.  And it inspires me to keep going.

I bet there is something fun in your new habit that you can use to keep drawing you forward toward your goal.

 

5.  Thinking that you have more willpower makes you have more willpower…at least in the short term.

What you think is what you get!

I’ve said it a million times on this blog, and now there’s proof.  Studies by Veronika Job and friends show that you can increase your willpower by thinking that willpower is not so limited.

If you’re facing a short-term challenge, like a bread basket, tell yourself that you have all the willpower you need and you’ll find that you can dig deep and summon more.

Just remember the reverse is also true.  Are you in the habit of saying, “I just don’t have any willpower when it comes to whatever (exercising, chocolate, buying shoes).”

If that’s you, then maybe that is a perfect place to start creating a new habit.  Tell yourself for the next 21 days, “I have all the willpower I need when it comes to shoe shopping!”

So, now that you know more about willpower, more willpower to you.  What’s your takeaway, today?  Leave a comment and tell me, what will you do to strengthen your willpower starting now.

 

*See the New Year’s Resolution Study by psychologist Richard Wiseman.

 

I was scared of a four-year old girl!

Last week I mentioned how fun it would be to cross networking events off my To Do list and never go to another one of those dreaded mixers again.

Fun for the shy part of me who has always been scared to mingle and meet new people.

We moved to Texas when I was four, and I remember being scared to say hi to the little girl who lived behind us.

I was scared of a four-year old girl!

That scared, shy little girl I was is still inside me.  I won’t say she runs my life today, but she’s definitely still inside having her say from time to time.

She was singing halleluia at the thought of no more live networking events.

But there’s another part of me that’s brave and rebellious and determined to get over myself.

That part is a personal growth taskmaster and she doesn’t let me weasel out of challenges, especially ones that make me bump up against the parts of me that might be holding me back.

She’s the one who decides when enough is enough and when it’s time to move past this or that fear.

There are lots of fears she’s helped me get over in my life.

I got over my fear of public speaking after a mortifying speech in seventh grade.  I got over my fear of needles when I realized 24 years old was too old to still be busting into tears when I had to get a shot.

I just decided not to be afraid any more.  One decision and it was over.

I wonder if getting over my shyness around strangers could be so easy?  Can I just decide that I’m through with this fear, too?

Deep-seated fears like these interfere with the glorious lives we are meant to live.

But they also make life richer and more rewarding as we face our fears and transform the energy of fear into an energy that serves to propel us to living larger in the world.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that energy is neither created nor destroyed, but it can be  transformed.

Transforming the energy of fear may be as easy as making a decision.  Or it may take a little more work to get over the inertia that keeps us stuck in place.

So how would you work to transform a fear like this?

What if  you suspect that it’s holding you back from creating more prosperity or attracting more money into your life and business?  I mean, if I know I can connect with people at networking events, and I know people respond well when I tell them what I do, and there are potential high-value clients RIGHT THERE, asking about my work, why wouldn’t I go?

Here’s what I know…

First, fear of promoting myself and/or my work means I’m not clear on the value I’’m providing to my clients.

This is a major roadblock to success.  And money.

It leads to:

  • undercharging.
  • being afraid to ask for the sale.
  • ineffective marketing.

It’s not really about being shy or introverted.  That’s an excuse that bypasses the bigger issue—lack of conviction that what I’m offering is beneficial to others.

Here’s a mindset shift.

I learned it from Elizabeth Purvis, founder of Goddess Business School.  It’s important to make this mindset shift as I go forward toward more prosperity as an entrepreneur—”The knowledge and skills I possess are valuable now and will grow in value over time.”

And here’s a mindset shift I figured out for myself—”I’m walking the path with my clients, and they are inspired by my own transformation.”

Choose a mindset that serves you once you identify the one that doesn’t.

Consciously changing the way you talk to yourself eventually changes the way you see yourself.

And seeing yourself as successful and as someone who inspires and adds values to people’s lives changes the way you talk to yourself.  Before you know it, you’re in an upward spiral of providing value and honoring the goodness you bring to your clients.

From there, it’s a short hop to raising your prices; knowing (deep in your marrow) that when someone buys your product or program their life is about to change for the better; and cheerfully telling everyone about what you do and how it will help them.

TRY THIS:   Every night, write down at least three examples of the value you provided in the world or the ways you valued yourself that day.  Keep track of your value so you can start changing the way you see and talk to yourself.  (From Money, A Love Story, by Kate Northrup)

Second, get over the blocks.

Find the tools and strategies that work for you and use them consistently whenever you hit a new block or a new layer of an old block you’ve been struggling with.  Some blocks, like fear of rejection, run deep and are ingrained and habitual.  Be patient as you work through them and expect them to pop up in a variety of disguises as they fight for their lives.

I know for me, fear of rejection is very much linked to the fear of promoting myself and my work.  One of its disguises is procrastination.  Another is perfectionism, as in, “I can’t tell anyone about it till it’s perfect and I have all the answers.”

Time to get over it and put it out there.  (It will never be as perfect as you want!)

TRY THIS:

1.  EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique.  Also known as tapping, I’ve been exploring this technique lately because of its promise of near-instant gratification.  Who doesn’t want that?

Consistency is key.  And being willing to explore.  And I’m finding the process does take some dedicated time because…layers.  Once you start, you’re sure to find more hidden layers that need addressing.  So, not really instant.  But I can vouch for it’s effectiveness.

A great first resource is Nick Ortner’s The Tapping Solution.  For stubborn blocks, thetappingsolution.com can help you find a practitioner in your area.

2.  Look to past success to overcome limiting beliefs.

Explore your past and see where you’ve succeeded in similar situations.  Or where you’ve felt the fear and done it anyway.  How did you feel after you faced your fear?  How did you feel after you succeeded in a similar situation?

I know I’ve had a blast at some networking events and I’ve also made lasting connections and signed up perfect clients.  Those are the moments to remember.  Not the awkward parties in college or sitting alone at lunch in the eighth grade.

Tap into that feeling of success and power and work to expand it.  Visualize yourself doing the thing that scares you, walking into a crowded networking event, and generate those feelings of success and fearlessness.  Connect that feeling to the scary event and watch the fear melt away.  Have faith and be consistent.  It will begin to soften and melt.

3.  Assume the position.

Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist who gave a TED talk about power posing before a stressful situation and it’s positive effect on your performance.  Think Wonder Woman—wide stance, hands on hips, steady gaze.

Assume the position for two minutes before giving a speech or entering a party or doing whatever scares you.  Be the Wonder Woman of your own life.  Rock the tiara!  (Patriotic bathing suit not necessary.)

Which brings me back to that little girl I was afraid to say hi to when I was four.  We eventually became the best of friends.  Inseparable, really, until I moved to the next neighborhood.  Then inseparable again when we got older and passed each other on our bicycles one day.  While we didn’t play Wonder Woman as kids, we did choreograph roller skating routines to bad music in her garage.  I remember one song we skated to in particular…“I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!”

I hope these tools help you start working on dissolving your own blocks, whatever they are.  As I said, the key is being willing to explore and peel back the layers.  It’s rarely as scary as you think it’s going to be, but get help if you get stuck.  Even the best athletes need coaches.  An extra pair of eyes and ears to identify the problem areas and offer tried and true tools for improvement.  Keep going.  You’re so close I bet you can taste it.

Be sure to leave a comment.  How do you provide value to the world and what is your new mindset statement that you plan to affirm going forward?

And of course, let me know if you need coaching through your blocks.  I’m here to help!

Is Always Having Enough Getting In Your Way?

Here’s a thought.

“I always have enough.”

Perfectly reasonable mindset to assume, right?

I thought so.

Until I realized that I always had enough.  Just enough.  And no more.

It was a sucker-punch moment for me when I realized that this was the EXACT mindset that was keeping me twirling around in the eddy while the rest of the great river of abundance flowed on by.

Having enough isn’t a bad place to be.

It’s comfortable.  No one goes hungry.  There’s a roof to keep you dry at night.  Four wheels to carry you where you need to go.

But having enough is invariably seasoned with a generous dollop of stress.  Worry that the roof might leak or the wheels might break.  And then what?  Suddenly, just enough isn’t quite enough to keep you floating if that eddy starts to pull you under.

Having enough is an incredibly common place to be.

We who spend time there keep good and abundant company.  I see fellow eddy-twirlers every day in my wealth consciousness work.

The first thing we do together is talk mindset shift.  A tiny shift in the way you talk to yourself.

A shift in energy.

The energy you need to frog-kick out of the eddy and into the flow of abundance.

What I prescribe is adding two words.

“I always have MORE THAN enough.”

I always have more than enough money.

 

I always have more than enough.

 

If you’re like me, when you start adding this little ditty to your daily thoughts and affirmations and visualizations, you’re first reaction will be something like, “Nuh Uh!!!!”

And you’ll have to talk some sense into that part of yourself that tries to be helpful by pointing out the obvious.  That, in fact, evidence shows that, no, you do NOT currently have more than enough money.

I like to offer evidence to my inner nay-sayer.  Show it places in my life where there is more than enough.

I show it the daffodils in the garden—twice as many as last year.

I show it the 20 preying mantis pods we found this year (up from 3 last year).

I show it the cache of a dozen eggs I found under the woodpile from a chicken that went rogue and found her own nesting site.  That there are enough eggs to give to the new neighbors.  Or make quiche.

I show it the pantry (so much food), my ipod (so much music), my sock drawer.

 

“See!”  I affirm.  “There IS so much abundance in my life.  I always have more than enough.”

And I do.

And since I started working on shifting my mindset from enough to more than enough, any time that nay-sayer part of me pops up and offers its “helpful” resistance, I can now just show it my bank account.  The evidence is there.  I always have more than enough!

What about you?  What evidence will you show your inner nay-sayer when it tries to tell you there isn’t enough?