Tag Archives: money blocks

The Self Esteem Mind Map

I’ve been having fun playing with a tool that I discovered in Wire Yourself for Wealth, by Laura Leigh Clarke.

It’s a mind map.  And doing it really is like rewiring your brain for a different experience.  You can see the new neural pathways forming as your map evolves.

I’d encourage you to do it for anywhere you feel stuck or undeserving.

But let’s start with self-esteem.

Do you know about mind maps? They’re an organic way to capture ideas and thoughts as one springs from another, then another, then another.  Here’s an example:

health-map
Click on the map for more examples.

 

Here’s how you to it:

1.  You’ll need a large piece of paper or poster board.  BIG!

2.  Draw a circle in the middle of a sheet of paper and in the circle  write down the topic/theme that you are exploring or the title of the project that you’re brainstorming.  For now, let’s write “Reasons why I deserve more self esteem.”

(In future episodes, you could mind map “reasons why I deserve to make $ X,000,” or “reasons why I deserve 3 new clients,” or “reasons why I deserve to have a fulfilling relationship.”  Self-esteem is your foundation for feeling like you deserve all good things, so we start there.)

2.  Follow your flow as you draw bubbles around the central bubble.  Fill in all the things you can think of that you love about yourself.

Include things you like about the way you look; your accomplishments, talents, skills, successes; things people compliment you on; acknowledgements.  Keep going and going and going.  Don’t stop till you have at least 200 things and see if you can push through to 300, 400 even 500 things.  Wear yourself out.  Wring every bit of juice out of yourself until there is no doubt in your mind that you are worthy.

3.  Hang up your creation someplace you can see it often.  It really will be quite beautiful.  Look at it every day and remind yourself often of all the ways you are perfect, all the ways the rest of us are so lucky that you’re here, sharing space on the planet with the rest of us.

By now you should be feeling pretty dang good about yourself.

So, YAY, You!

And I’m curious.  What is one thing that you love about yourself today?  Leave a comment below and declare it to the Universe!

Money IS a Spiritual Path

A few weeks ago I called a local spiritual center and proposed a workshop on money mindset and learning how to receive. The receptionist hesitated. Cleared her throat. Then informed me that, as far as programming goes, they prefer to stick to “spiritual” topics.

Huh? It was a WTF/Scooby Doo moment for me. You know, the one where Scooby shakes his head vigorously, as if trying to shake some comprehension into his dumbfounded brain? While secretly thinking, “WTF?”

And my bubble was pierced again.

My bubble shields me from the collective “wisdom” that money is the root of all evil.  (Most misquoted Bible verse of all times, though I’m the first to admit I’m no Bible misquote expert,  Just acutely tuned into the ways we stop ourselves from receiving more money even while our souls urge us to expand in ALL ways.)

And I’d forgotten that there’s a deep current of mistrust of money that runs through our collective unconscious…a current that says you can’t have money and still be spiritual. That the two are somehow mutually exclusive.

Can we just peel back some layers on that misconception today and open ourselves up to another possibility?

Do let’s!

Let’s explore how having more money can actually propel us farther along on our life’s journey, if, in fact, it’s your desire to have more and make a bigger impact.

1.  Money is neutral.

It doesn’t have it’s own energy, only the energy we assign to it.

It’s the root of evil in evil hands. It’s the root of greed in greedy hands. And it’s the root of good in Oprah’s hands. And probably in your hands, too.

2. Desire is the Divine guiding you to your purpose.

The Divine speaks to us through our desires (which are different from our habitual cravings for things like cookies after dinner).

The deep desires that filter through the mindless chatter and that bubble up in times of stillness and reflection guide us to the places where only we can make a difference. They guide us to the people (or animals or plot of earth) who need exactly what we have to give.

If you desire money above and beyond what you need to meet your daily needs, consider that the Divine is calling you forth into a bigger role. (As opposed to listening to that chatter in your head which wants to save you by insisting that you’re greedy, which reminds me…)

3.  More money doesn’t change who you are, it enhances it.

It won’t turn you into a voracious, planet-ravaging consumer. Unless you are that already. Which I doubt or you wouldn’t have made it to point #3.

Money allows you fuller self-expression by allowing you to get past surviving and get on with the joy and freedom of actually thriving in this abundant world.

4.  Speaking of Oprah, money is really useful as a measuring tool.

It tells us how much of an impact we’re making on the world. More money, bigger impact. Imagine if all the wealth of the world were in the hands of spirit-guided people with big hearts and generous natures? WOW!

P.S. We’re not serving the Divine by playing small.

5.  Money touches every aspect of our lives, every corner, every nook, every cranny.

You can’t get away with not having it, so we may as well get right with embracing it and welcoming it and being willing to use it without feeling guilty or ashamed or like we’re leaving someone behind.

Spiritual life has evolved to include modern conveniences and our desires have evolved with it.

Why won’t we let our relationship to money evolve as well?

We don’t go a day without using it, thinking about it, making decisions based on whether we have it or don’t have it. It affects not just our career and business decisions, but also our relationships, our health, our environment, and, yes, our ability to connect with our souls and with the bigger Source, the Divine, Infinite Spirit.

Money IS power.  Woo Hoo!!  It’s time to allow it to flow into and through the lives of people like you who have gifts to share and work to do, work based on a higher guidance, the movement of Divine Spirit through you.

We are the eyes and the ears and the voices of the Divine and the Divine is ready for the collective unconscious to evolve. It’s up to us to allow and welcome and embrace that, so the Divine can get on with its work through us.

And, it just so happens, it’s going to take resources. It’s going to require money.

6.  Money flows when we flow, when we connect with source and say yes to following its guidance.

See if the Divine isn’t urging you to grow and expand. Do you need resources to expand?

Yes. Yes you do.

If you’re not sure what to do next or how to crack yourself open, why not start looking for your own money blind spots, the places where you stop yourself from welcoming and embracing more? The places where you talk yourself into staying small or staying broke?

Most of us need help to find those blind spots and blocks.

Consider scheduling a complimentary Money Mindset Breakthrough Session to discover what blocks you. Click here to pick a time to break through!!

Good News! There’s No Such Thing as Self-Sabotage

I love a paradigm shift!

Here’s a keeper I’m learning to love because it’s helped me revisit some situations in my life and see them with fresh eyes.  Like I put in the contacts I didn’t know I needed.

Everyone is winning the game they are playing.

This didn’t make a lot of sense the first time I heard it.

Partly because it was followed by this gem:

There’s no such thing as self-sabotage.

Excuse me?  Come again?  I like to think I know a thing or two about self-sabotage.

Sabotage means “the act of destroying or damaging something deliberately so that it doesn’t work correctly.”

The good news is…

When we seemingly sabotage ourselves, it’s not deliberate.  We really can’t help it because there’s a force greater than us that lives in our heads and takes the wheel when it thinks we’re doomed.

Which should come as a huge relief.

Perverse, I know.  But true. 

Relief because we can officially stop hating on ourselves for not following through on our resolutions, plans, goals, dreams.  For bumping up against that wall and letting it stop us.  For not doing more, being more, succeeding more, trying more.

We can officially start being more kind to ourselves because we’re not broken.  In fact, we are working perfectly, as designed.

Our methods just might be a little old school, that’s all.

Have you ever been really close to getting something you want and then done something dumb that derailed the whole forward momentum you’d built up?

Quit, for example, (because something wasn’t perfect)?  Compulsively ate the pint of gelato?  Threw a mortifying tantrum at someone important?  Shopping spree!!  (Just as the credit card balance finally hit zero)?

These are some classic hits from my repertoire.

It’s what we’ve all come the think of as self-sabotage.

We’re winning the game we are playing.

What’s really going on is we are playing, and winning, a game that we’ve been playing for so long that it feels safe even if it hurts us.  It feels like we only have that one option and that there are no other choices.

Take my game of binge shopping and credit card debt.  Nordstrom’s and Lululemon were like heroin to me.  I still feel the pull of their siren song.  Sigh.

The game might be that I’ve linked cute clothes (and upscale labels) with belonging to a certain group of people.  I’m trying to fit in.

Or the game might be that credit card debt was a secret that my mom shared with me, but kept from my dad.  A part of my brain still links credit card debt to mother’s love.

Or the act of shopping itself was a way to numb intense emotions.  I needed to be numb in order to survive another day in a job that made me cry or a relationship that had gone to the South Pole.  So I shopped, and felt better for a moment.

It’s a matter of programming.

The unhelpful games we play with our money or our health or our loved ones are usually habitual and deeply patterned in our brains.  When I’m triggered, I’m preprogrammed to log on to Zappo’s or polish off a bag of ginger snaps.

That’s why simple resolve, or willpower, won’t work on some of the games we’ve been playing for years.

Our brains are convinced that the games we are playing—the binge eating, binge shopping, discomfort with having more than a certain amount of money in the bank—are what we HAVE to do to maintain a sense of love or to stay safe or to be part of our clan.

Willpower alone won’t be able to tear us away from those games.  What we are experiencing is, on some level, exactly what we want to be experiencing.

What we need for healing, growth and success are new games that keep that love, safety and a sense of belonging intact.

It’s not about getting rid of unwanted behaviors by overpowering them.

It’s about creating new choices that feel aligned with our desires and still totally doable.

It’s about designing some new games and learning to play them with joy and enthusiasm.

It’s not a DIY project (says the former queen of attempted DIY personal growth, aka, the queen of the “fakethrough”).  Coaches and mentors are game designers that help speed you to your highest potential.

Growth is complex and messy and full of tangles.   It takes a little time to loosen the threads on the old games that are so easy to play.

But how exciting and gratifying when the work clicks and you start to make different choices without even having to think about it.

Dare I say, it’s game changing?

 

Are you ready to start changing the games you’re playing around your money mindset, so you can make the amazing money you deserve?  I’m here to help!!  Schedule a complimentary Money Mindset Breakthrough Session today.  It’s a No Fakethrough Zone.

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Turn Off the Ringer When the Universe Calls. (It Won’t Work.)

It’s my job to help raise the wealth consciousness of the planet.

I know!  Right?

When the Universe calls, you answer.  Sometimes I just let it ring.  (Tweet that!)

Not to worry.

The Universe always calls back!

Today I share an amazing strategy for raising your wealth consciousness.  One that I resisted for years because of the leap of faith it requires.

One that I really didn’t understand, either.  Until recently.

It’s making me walk my talk, now.  Right after leaping into the void.


Prefer to read it?  Click here for transcript, give or take a few words.

What do you think, Sunshine?  Are you ready to leap?  I’m curious.  What excites you about this strategy?  Leave a comment below and share your first thoughts.

Stop Feeding the Fire. Shine Your Own Light, Instead.

Today’s video might just piss someone off.

It’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Because I’ll go to the mat for this tip.

I’ve said it before.  We’re on this journey to increased wealth together.  I started from scratch.

I wasn’t living in my car, or anything.  But…

Pea-sized bank balance.  Heinous day job.  Zero confidence in my skill as a coach or writer or transformational leader in spite of a big gulp of certificates and trainings under my belt.  Which ultimately meant feeling like a fraud every time I’d ask for money for my service.

So I started experimenting.  I tried things.  Everything I’ve mentioned here (and am covering in this series).

I’m sharing what’s had a big impact on my life.

And today’s tip is one of those things that sounds harsh, but completely shifted my ability to see the possibilities for myself and my future.

May it do the same for you, Sweet Pea.  You deserve a clear vision of your magnificent self and all the support in the world to let her shine.

Prefer to read?  Click here to get the transcript (more or less).

When you stop feeding the fire by engaging, it eventually putters out. Tweet: When you stop feeding the fire by engaging, it eventually putters out.  #mindmoneywealthproject at http://ctt.ec/9dO2b+

Did I miss anything?  Other than stuff, junk food for the brain or toxic people, is there anything else you need to say clear out of your environment in order to say yes to the money you deserve?

Leave a comment below and let us know!

 

How to Keep Stirring Up Stuck Energy so Money Can Flow

What do you have to say no to so you can say yes to what you want?

There’s a constant juggling of yes and no as we move towards a dream of financial freedom.  Or any dream, really.

Last week, we said no to stuff.  We cleared out some money-blocking energy and put it on the curb.

That feels better, right?

It’s not just the corners of your living room or the drawers in your desk that hold stuck energy, though.

In today’s video, we look a second area in your life that might be begging for a good purge.

Let’s see how to stir up some more stuck energy this week.

 

Prefer to read?  Click here to get the transcript.

Resources to energize and uplift your energy.

This list is not even close to being complete.  It’s just…deadlines!!!

But here’s a question for you.  What is your best suggestion for media that’s inspiring, uplifting, positive and joy-based?  What would you recommend to the rest of us?  Leave a comment below and enlighten us!

And stay tuned.  Next week we Declutter the Danger Zone!  And get you one step closer to your goal.

How to Fire Up Your Money Magnet

Are you ready to get moving?

Today’s tip for raising your Prosperity Consciousness will get you out of your seat and leave you feeling clean and light and free—like you’re paragliding naked in the rain.

You’ll feel the energy start to wiggle and move immediately.

Immediately!

Extra help:

1.  Set a timer for 10 minutes and don’t stop till it dings.

2.  Or, commit to 27 things at a time.  Don’t stop till you’ve rounded up 27.

You’ll understand when you’ve seen the video.  Promise.

Enjoy this journey!  Every day one step closer to your destination.

 

Abundance is a renewable resource.  (Tweet that!)

I’m curious.  Did anything come up for you during this process?  Did you embrace it with gusto, or did you find some resistance?

Leave a comment below and share your experience.  I’d love to know how this landed.

Until next time!

xo

P.S.  If you’d like a transcript of this video, click here.

How to Talk About Money + An Exercise for Loving Yourself

A few weeks ago, I had a Money Mindset Breakthrough Session with a client and she was in trouble.  Clinging to a cooler lid in a roiling sea of debt.  Desert island shrinking to her view as she drifted farther into the middle of the ocean.

It was bleak.  There were probably sharks.  Or giant squid.

Pardon the melodrama.

But I know how it feels to be caught in the undertow.

My story didn’t involve squid, but it did involve sleepless nights, a constant low-grade frustration and lots of complaining.

I’m not a financial adviser or a debt counselor, and if you’re in massive debt, that may be your first call before you call me.

But problems tend to stick around until they’re solved.

And if you don’t solve the underlying issues around fear, low self-worth and misguided mindset, you’ll keep swimming against the current and getting nowhere.

In my own story, I’d pay off one credit card only to max out another.  Or, worse, open one more.

Nordstrom’s almost ruined me.

I hated my job, so I’d work as little as possible to keep from going under completely.  I wouldn’t look at my bills, or my bank balances, so there were a lot of overdraft fees that made the bank happy.  And a little richer.

I’d overspend and tell myself I deserved it when I really felt like I didn’t deserve anything good and I hated myself with gusto.  It was a time of personal turmoil in my life and shopping was a coping mechanism.

It all made me feel so guilty.

Which just kept the problem alive and well.

A smack-down from the Universe.

You know how sometimes someone makes a random comment and it feels like the Universe just shook you by the shoulders and said, “Listen up, Sunshine!”

Back in the Nordstrom days, I had that experience.  I was finishing a yoga teacher training in Bellevue, Washington, and my teacher, Aadil Palkhivala, said to the group, “Quit complaining.  Never, ever complain.  About anything.”

So simple, but I felt like I’d been outed before I was ready.

I was a chronic complainer.

And, embarrassed as I was to admit it, if only to myself, I knew the Universe had singled me out and spoken through Aadil.

The Universe told me to cut it out.  Quit bitching.

If you’re revamping your money mindset, it’s so important to watch what you say about money.

What you say out loud is just a reflection of the unrelenting stream of thoughts that pass through your brain.  Thousands of them every day.

Since the circumstances of your life are your thoughts come true, what you say out loud only reinforces those circumstances.

So, watch what you say about money.

  • Talk about what you want, what you see is possible for you, your dreams and aspirations and vision for your ideal life.
  • Make a vision board if it helps to have a visual reminder of what you know is possible for you.  Look at it often.  My friend Stacey made one on PicMonkey and put it on her desktop.  She sees it every time she opens her computer.
  • Never, ever put yourself down for not having enough money or for not being more together financially.  Pull yourself up by focusing on what’s right in your life.

Speaking of focusing on what’s right, try this exercise.   It will help you learn to love yourself.

[box]HOW TO LOVE EVERY PART OF YOURSELF

Make a list of 31 things that you love about yourself. 

Your curly hair.  Your creative spirit.  Your ability to make people laugh.

Choose one thing from your list to focus on each day for a month. 

Every time you catch yourself worrying about money or beating yourself up for any reason, focus on that one thing you love about yourself.

Savor it.  Feel the love for yourself.  Deeply appreciate who you are for a moment instead of hating on yourself.

Break the destructive pattern and choose to love and take care of yourself yourself.[/box](Thanks to Lynn Grabhorn and her book, Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting, for teaching me this exercise.)

This exercise will change your life.

Taking care of your finances will flow naturally out of taking care of yourself.

  • Change your story.   In vivid detail, tell your new story of abundance.  Practice telling it to people who support you and want the best for you.  (If you’re still looking for those people, tell it to  your dog.  Your dog wants the best for you.)  Focus on what you want, rather that what you don’t want.  Give the Universe new thoughts and statements to work with.
  • Don’t blame Nordstrom’s.   It isn’t their fault.  Or the fault of the economy, or my husband, or my parents.  The moment I took responsibility for my own situation was the moment my situation started to change.
  • And of course, quit complaining.  No more bitch sessions with friends over coffee.  No more automatically looking for what’s wrong with a situation.  Give it up, now.  Be a ray of sunshine in the world.  Good things are drawn to light.

I believe that choosing to quit complaining was my first step in shifting my own money mindset.

And it helped transform the whole experience I now have with money and my consciousness around money and wealth.

Watch what you say around money.

It’s listening.

Your turn, Sunshine!  What’s one thing you love about yourself that you plan to focus on today?  Leave a comment below and let us know.

The Secret to Creating Lasting Change, Plus…Another Excuse to Follow the Fun!

I found an old journal not long ago.  It was a gratitude journal that I started as a New Year’s Resolution.  I was going to get grateful and write down all the things I was thankful for every night.

The last entry was January 9.

Nine days of gratitude and the journal stared gathering dust.  Like the rest of my resolutions that year, I’m sure.

Apparently I’m not alone.

88% of all resolutions end in failure! *

I don’t know if I feel better or worse.

It takes about 21 days to form a new habit.

At about day seven, though, the honeymoon ends.  You’re over the initial excitement of trying something new.  On Day 8 or 9,  the ruts that you know so well are singing their siren song and luring you farther away from your target.

To get through day 8-21, you’ll need some fortification.

In my Mind Money Wealth Program, I teach people the importance of creating new habits around mindset and money.  Some people need to create the daily habit of paying attention to their money.  Others need to get in the habit of marketing their business.  Still others need the habit of self-reflection and working to improve self-awareness in order to dissolve limiting beliefs.

Whatever new habits you need to create, it’s going to take willpower to make them stick.  So it’s a good idea to know how willpower works and when you’ll most need to strengthen your resolve so you can get through the gauntlet that is Day 8-21.

 

Here’s what you need to know about willpower.  And how to make use of a limited resource.

 

1.  Willpower is like a muscle.  Use it or lose it.

How many pushups can you do?  On a good day, I can drop and give you seven before I collapse red-faced on the floor.

Willpower is like a muscle.

In their book, Willpower, Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney found that willpower can get stronger in the long term with use and training.  They say, “people who exercise their willpower frequently. . .have better self-control.”

Better self control means getting through days 8-21.

So how do you train your willpower if you’re powerless over chocolate cake?  Or you simply can’t muster up the energy to work your marketing plan every day?

Train it by picking simple tasks that you can manage to practice every day.  Tasks that won’t increase your stress if you do succumb to the song of the siren.

Train for the big change by training yourself to stop cussing.  Or train yourself to sit up straight.  Or train yourself to take a deep breath before you speak.

Pick something simple to practice on a daily basis.  Watch it improve your ability to follow through with the hard tasks that create the big change in your life.  Like installing new beliefs or, my favorite, changing your mindset from one of poverty to one of prosperity.

 

2.  WARNING:  Willpower is weaker in the short term!

When it gets to metaphorical pushup number 8, and you’re tired and you’re spent, your willpower will fail you.

Willpower is both a renewable resource and a deplete-able resource and it’s most abundant in the morning when you’re refreshed and replenished.

“You only have a finite amount [of willpower] as you go through the day,” says Tierney.

In other words,  you’re going to run out at some point in your day.

Dang.  Not all news is good, here.

What to do when rations dwindle?  

First, do the hard things early when supplies are fresh.  Pull on your spandex shorts or sort your receipts or fiddle with your website first thing, while your resolve is strongest and on your side.

Second, don’t try to change all your bad habits at once.

Reconsider the New Year’s Resolution mania that grips our country.

A saner approach would be ONE new resolution each month.  Choose one thing and focus on changing that one thing only.  Put everything else you want to change in storage.

Think how far you’d go, how much could change, in just a year!

I’m an overachiever, so I’ve decided to add one good habit and take away one bad habit.  This month, I’m focused on health.  I’ve added daily rigorous exercise and I took away my bread and pasta habit.  That felt do-able, but I’m already an exerciser and a pretty careful eater.  I was already halfway there. Next month, I’ve got a big challenge planned, so I’ll probably just do the one.

See what feels right for you.  Be sure to be gentle with yourself for all the other things that are still in storage.  Deeply accept yourself.  Be patient and promise yourself that you’ll get to it when you the time is right.

 

3.  Stress and mental overload deplete willpower.

Studies show that just walking down a bustling city street can lower your resolve.

Apparently, all that stimuli and activity stresses out your cortex.  And your cortex draws energy from the same well as your willpower.

So, when you’re actively using willpower to transform yourself, as much as possible in our weird and overstimulating world, reduce input.

Limit your exposure to excess stimulation and create an environment that doesn’t drain you.

Go on a media diet (no more talk radio!).  Don’t go to the mall, watch too much TV, lollygag on the internet.  Spend time in nature (I find water especially calming).  Look to your own life and see where you get overstimulated and edgy.

Personally, I get twitchy in loud restaurants and have a really hard time keeping my hand out of the breadbasket.  So I stay away when I’m trying to conquer my carb habit.

 

4.  Which doesn’t mean you can’t have fun!

Researcher Juliano Laran found that people were more likely to complete a task when they were told the task was fun.  They got energy from believing the task was fun.

Energy equals willpower.

So as you’re creating your new habits, focus on what’s fun about the new habit and it will give you energy.

You may have to find the fun in the results you are after.  But by day 7 or 8, just when you start to struggle, you’ll most likely be seeing some results from your efforts.

Find the fun in your results.

I’ve been creating the habit of a daily writing practice.  How else will there ever be a book?  What’s stopped me in the past is not feeling I have anything to say.  But by showing up every day, by day 8, I created a respectable body of work, a first draft of a chapter.  I read back over my musings and was delighted to find nuggets that sound good and make sense.  To me, that’s fun.  And it inspires me to keep going.

I bet there is something fun in your new habit that you can use to keep drawing you forward toward your goal.

 

5.  Thinking that you have more willpower makes you have more willpower…at least in the short term.

What you think is what you get!

I’ve said it a million times on this blog, and now there’s proof.  Studies by Veronika Job and friends show that you can increase your willpower by thinking that willpower is not so limited.

If you’re facing a short-term challenge, like a bread basket, tell yourself that you have all the willpower you need and you’ll find that you can dig deep and summon more.

Just remember the reverse is also true.  Are you in the habit of saying, “I just don’t have any willpower when it comes to whatever (exercising, chocolate, buying shoes).”

If that’s you, then maybe that is a perfect place to start creating a new habit.  Tell yourself for the next 21 days, “I have all the willpower I need when it comes to shoe shopping!”

So, now that you know more about willpower, more willpower to you.  What’s your takeaway, today?  Leave a comment and tell me, what will you do to strengthen your willpower starting now.

 

*See the New Year’s Resolution Study by psychologist Richard Wiseman.

 

I was scared of a four-year old girl!

Last week I mentioned how fun it would be to cross networking events off my To Do list and never go to another one of those dreaded mixers again.

Fun for the shy part of me who has always been scared to mingle and meet new people.

We moved to Texas when I was four, and I remember being scared to say hi to the little girl who lived behind us.

I was scared of a four-year old girl!

That scared, shy little girl I was is still inside me.  I won’t say she runs my life today, but she’s definitely still inside having her say from time to time.

She was singing halleluia at the thought of no more live networking events.

But there’s another part of me that’s brave and rebellious and determined to get over myself.

That part is a personal growth taskmaster and she doesn’t let me weasel out of challenges, especially ones that make me bump up against the parts of me that might be holding me back.

She’s the one who decides when enough is enough and when it’s time to move past this or that fear.

There are lots of fears she’s helped me get over in my life.

I got over my fear of public speaking after a mortifying speech in seventh grade.  I got over my fear of needles when I realized 24 years old was too old to still be busting into tears when I had to get a shot.

I just decided not to be afraid any more.  One decision and it was over.

I wonder if getting over my shyness around strangers could be so easy?  Can I just decide that I’m through with this fear, too?

Deep-seated fears like these interfere with the glorious lives we are meant to live.

But they also make life richer and more rewarding as we face our fears and transform the energy of fear into an energy that serves to propel us to living larger in the world.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that energy is neither created nor destroyed, but it can be  transformed.

Transforming the energy of fear may be as easy as making a decision.  Or it may take a little more work to get over the inertia that keeps us stuck in place.

So how would you work to transform a fear like this?

What if  you suspect that it’s holding you back from creating more prosperity or attracting more money into your life and business?  I mean, if I know I can connect with people at networking events, and I know people respond well when I tell them what I do, and there are potential high-value clients RIGHT THERE, asking about my work, why wouldn’t I go?

Here’s what I know…

First, fear of promoting myself and/or my work means I’m not clear on the value I’’m providing to my clients.

This is a major roadblock to success.  And money.

It leads to:

  • undercharging.
  • being afraid to ask for the sale.
  • ineffective marketing.

It’s not really about being shy or introverted.  That’s an excuse that bypasses the bigger issue—lack of conviction that what I’m offering is beneficial to others.

Here’s a mindset shift.

I learned it from Elizabeth Purvis, founder of Goddess Business School.  It’s important to make this mindset shift as I go forward toward more prosperity as an entrepreneur—”The knowledge and skills I possess are valuable now and will grow in value over time.”

And here’s a mindset shift I figured out for myself—”I’m walking the path with my clients, and they are inspired by my own transformation.”

Choose a mindset that serves you once you identify the one that doesn’t.

Consciously changing the way you talk to yourself eventually changes the way you see yourself.

And seeing yourself as successful and as someone who inspires and adds values to people’s lives changes the way you talk to yourself.  Before you know it, you’re in an upward spiral of providing value and honoring the goodness you bring to your clients.

From there, it’s a short hop to raising your prices; knowing (deep in your marrow) that when someone buys your product or program their life is about to change for the better; and cheerfully telling everyone about what you do and how it will help them.

TRY THIS:   Every night, write down at least three examples of the value you provided in the world or the ways you valued yourself that day.  Keep track of your value so you can start changing the way you see and talk to yourself.  (From Money, A Love Story, by Kate Northrup)

Second, get over the blocks.

Find the tools and strategies that work for you and use them consistently whenever you hit a new block or a new layer of an old block you’ve been struggling with.  Some blocks, like fear of rejection, run deep and are ingrained and habitual.  Be patient as you work through them and expect them to pop up in a variety of disguises as they fight for their lives.

I know for me, fear of rejection is very much linked to the fear of promoting myself and my work.  One of its disguises is procrastination.  Another is perfectionism, as in, “I can’t tell anyone about it till it’s perfect and I have all the answers.”

Time to get over it and put it out there.  (It will never be as perfect as you want!)

TRY THIS:

1.  EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique.  Also known as tapping, I’ve been exploring this technique lately because of its promise of near-instant gratification.  Who doesn’t want that?

Consistency is key.  And being willing to explore.  And I’m finding the process does take some dedicated time because…layers.  Once you start, you’re sure to find more hidden layers that need addressing.  So, not really instant.  But I can vouch for it’s effectiveness.

A great first resource is Nick Ortner’s The Tapping Solution.  For stubborn blocks, thetappingsolution.com can help you find a practitioner in your area.

2.  Look to past success to overcome limiting beliefs.

Explore your past and see where you’ve succeeded in similar situations.  Or where you’ve felt the fear and done it anyway.  How did you feel after you faced your fear?  How did you feel after you succeeded in a similar situation?

I know I’ve had a blast at some networking events and I’ve also made lasting connections and signed up perfect clients.  Those are the moments to remember.  Not the awkward parties in college or sitting alone at lunch in the eighth grade.

Tap into that feeling of success and power and work to expand it.  Visualize yourself doing the thing that scares you, walking into a crowded networking event, and generate those feelings of success and fearlessness.  Connect that feeling to the scary event and watch the fear melt away.  Have faith and be consistent.  It will begin to soften and melt.

3.  Assume the position.

Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist who gave a TED talk about power posing before a stressful situation and it’s positive effect on your performance.  Think Wonder Woman—wide stance, hands on hips, steady gaze.

Assume the position for two minutes before giving a speech or entering a party or doing whatever scares you.  Be the Wonder Woman of your own life.  Rock the tiara!  (Patriotic bathing suit not necessary.)

Which brings me back to that little girl I was afraid to say hi to when I was four.  We eventually became the best of friends.  Inseparable, really, until I moved to the next neighborhood.  Then inseparable again when we got older and passed each other on our bicycles one day.  While we didn’t play Wonder Woman as kids, we did choreograph roller skating routines to bad music in her garage.  I remember one song we skated to in particular…“I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!”

I hope these tools help you start working on dissolving your own blocks, whatever they are.  As I said, the key is being willing to explore and peel back the layers.  It’s rarely as scary as you think it’s going to be, but get help if you get stuck.  Even the best athletes need coaches.  An extra pair of eyes and ears to identify the problem areas and offer tried and true tools for improvement.  Keep going.  You’re so close I bet you can taste it.

Be sure to leave a comment.  How do you provide value to the world and what is your new mindset statement that you plan to affirm going forward?

And of course, let me know if you need coaching through your blocks.  I’m here to help!