Good News! There’s No Such Thing as Self-Sabotage

I love a paradigm shift!

Here’s a keeper I’m learning to love because it’s helped me revisit some situations in my life and see them with fresh eyes.  Like I put in the contacts I didn’t know I needed.

Everyone is winning the game they are playing.

This didn’t make a lot of sense the first time I heard it.

Partly because it was followed by this gem:

There’s no such thing as self-sabotage.

Excuse me?  Come again?  I like to think I know a thing or two about self-sabotage.

Sabotage means “the act of destroying or damaging something deliberately so that it doesn’t work correctly.”

The good news is…

When we seemingly sabotage ourselves, it’s not deliberate.  We really can’t help it because there’s a force greater than us that lives in our heads and takes the wheel when it thinks we’re doomed.

Which should come as a huge relief.

Perverse, I know.  But true. 

Relief because we can officially stop hating on ourselves for not following through on our resolutions, plans, goals, dreams.  For bumping up against that wall and letting it stop us.  For not doing more, being more, succeeding more, trying more.

We can officially start being more kind to ourselves because we’re not broken.  In fact, we are working perfectly, as designed.

Our methods just might be a little old school, that’s all.

Have you ever been really close to getting something you want and then done something dumb that derailed the whole forward momentum you’d built up?

Quit, for example, (because something wasn’t perfect)?  Compulsively ate the pint of gelato?  Threw a mortifying tantrum at someone important?  Shopping spree!!  (Just as the credit card balance finally hit zero)?

These are some classic hits from my repertoire.

It’s what we’ve all come the think of as self-sabotage.

We’re winning the game we are playing.

What’s really going on is we are playing, and winning, a game that we’ve been playing for so long that it feels safe even if it hurts us.  It feels like we only have that one option and that there are no other choices.

Take my game of binge shopping and credit card debt.  Nordstrom’s and Lululemon were like heroin to me.  I still feel the pull of their siren song.  Sigh.

The game might be that I’ve linked cute clothes (and upscale labels) with belonging to a certain group of people.  I’m trying to fit in.

Or the game might be that credit card debt was a secret that my mom shared with me, but kept from my dad.  A part of my brain still links credit card debt to mother’s love.

Or the act of shopping itself was a way to numb intense emotions.  I needed to be numb in order to survive another day in a job that made me cry or a relationship that had gone to the South Pole.  So I shopped, and felt better for a moment.

It’s a matter of programming.

The unhelpful games we play with our money or our health or our loved ones are usually habitual and deeply patterned in our brains.  When I’m triggered, I’m preprogrammed to log on to Zappo’s or polish off a bag of ginger snaps.

That’s why simple resolve, or willpower, won’t work on some of the games we’ve been playing for years.

Our brains are convinced that the games we are playing—the binge eating, binge shopping, discomfort with having more than a certain amount of money in the bank—are what we HAVE to do to maintain a sense of love or to stay safe or to be part of our clan.

Willpower alone won’t be able to tear us away from those games.  What we are experiencing is, on some level, exactly what we want to be experiencing.

What we need for healing, growth and success are new games that keep that love, safety and a sense of belonging intact.

It’s not about getting rid of unwanted behaviors by overpowering them.

It’s about creating new choices that feel aligned with our desires and still totally doable.

It’s about designing some new games and learning to play them with joy and enthusiasm.

It’s not a DIY project (says the former queen of attempted DIY personal growth, aka, the queen of the “fakethrough”).  Coaches and mentors are game designers that help speed you to your highest potential.

Growth is complex and messy and full of tangles.   It takes a little time to loosen the threads on the old games that are so easy to play.

But how exciting and gratifying when the work clicks and you start to make different choices without even having to think about it.

Dare I say, it’s game changing?

 

Are you ready to start changing the games you’re playing around your money mindset, so you can make the amazing money you deserve?  I’m here to help!!  Schedule a complimentary Money Mindset Breakthrough Session today.  It’s a No Fakethrough Zone.

 

 

 

 

 

A Few Things I Love This Week: Serendipity, Social Media Strategy and Singing Parrots

“You can’t find your voice if you don’t use it.”  

                                                                 ~Austin Kleon

 

I’m designating today Random Wednesday.  Mostly because I’ve run across some great things lately that I just HAD to share.

They’re random.

And wonderful.

 

 

First, don’t you just love serendipity?

You think a thing, and the next thing you know something to help with the thing lands in your lap.

I’m the queen of flying under the radar and last week I thought I’d like to be more visible as a coach and transformational leader.

To that end, I decided to step up my game on social media, namely Facebook for business stuff and Instagram for personal, behind the scenes peeks at paper mache mask-making and other creative, and sometimes embarrassing, endeavors.  (Halloween alert!)

But the thought of the work that goes into posting regularly still makes me think I need an army of minions to help.

This article landed in my lap!  How to Manage Your Social Media in Three Simple Steps is a good place to start if you’re still working out your own social media strategy.

Second,  have you ever hit the wall in your business?

Gone into hibernation?  Hit a dip in the road that was more like the Grand Canyon when it came to climbing out?

I felt that way last week when I got home from HMBA Live in San Diego.  I was excited about the new information, but worn out from the overload and struggled to get going again.

Then someone sent me this article from Zen Habits, Pushing Past the Terrifying Dip in Motivation.  It reminded me how and why I started this journey in the first place.  And motivated me to restart my engine.

Third, Learning to Love Criticism

Learning to Love Criticism, an op-ed piece in the NY Times, by Tara Mohr, opened my eyes to why women in particular have this urge to “play nice” (and why we are often criticized harshly when we stand up for ourselves).

It speaks to the deep work we do in Transformational Coaching, which is looking for the ways we stay stuck because of our need to maintain a sense of love, safety and belonging.  She doesn’t talk about how to transform the old patterns.  That’s what I help with!!

Finally, back to the social media thing.

There’s a bookstore in New Hampshire I love to visit when we go.  This year, this book called to me—Show Your Work:  10 Ways to Share Your Creativity and Get Discovered by Austin Kleon.

 

austin

 

 

He speaks to artists, and I love that he considers entrepreneurs to be artists, too.

We’re all in this creative thing together.

He makes a case for sharing something small every day and says, “By letting go of our egos and sharing our process, we allow for the possibility of people having an ongoing connection with us and our work, which helps us move more of our product.”

Plus, he gives us permission to make mistakes and look ridiculous in public.  Like sharing a cute video of a singing parrot on Instagram.  The singing made it cute.  But Instagram is SILENT.  Oops.

So here she is on YouTube, in full parrot serenading glory.  Enjoy.

 

 

Have you run across anything helpful, inspirational or entertaining lately that you would like us to know about?  Or is there a small piece of your work that you’d let us take a peek at?  I’d love it if you left a comment, and a link, below and pointed us to something awesome!

 

Secrets of a Well-Compensated Entrepreneur

Step 4 in Manifesting Money in Five Easy Steps is this:

Brainstorm 20-30 ideas that you could use to generate income RIGHT NOW.  

Try it yourself and see why people resist.

It’s hard to get to 30!

It’s challenging, and towards the end they get more and more absurd.

Witness my own absurd ideas:

I have outfits.  I can hula hoop.  So, I could become a street performer, maybe stand on the corner and do my thing in a in a tutu and tiara.  (Shudder!)

I have parrots.  I could board other people’s parrots when they go on vacation.  (Shudder!)

I like pizza.  I could get a job at Pizza Hut.  (Push just came to shove right there.  I’d rather hula hoop in Pritchard Park.)

But ideas make us good entrepreneurs.  And well-compensated ones.

The Universe LOVES ideas, even ridiculous ones.  It loves that these ideas for making money prove we’re willing to show up and do what it takes to get where we want to go.

Plus, more ideas create momentum and momentum stimulates even more ideas.

In my 3K in 30 Days Program, rockin’ entrepreneurial women go through this exact exercise.  And then we take it one step further.

The Next Juicy Step…

One step further is to come up with three new ideas every single day as part of their new daily habits around money.

(Thanks to James Altucher for the three ideas a day idea.  If you don’t know him, check out his podcast.  He’s a true thought leader and interviews other amazing, thoughtful, inspiring people every week.)

A big part of financial success as an entrepreneur lies in reminding ourselves regularly that not only is money abundant all around us, but so are ideas.  (Tweet that!)

Ideas are an entrepreneur’s golden egg-laying goose.

Giving your idea goose a daily workout helps you be more discerning when it comes to which ideas are worth giving energy to and which ones are best left to someone else to bring to life.

So after you’ve generated your first 20-30 ideas for how you might make more money, commit to a daily practice of keeping the momentum going.

Brainstorm three ways you could generate income.  Every day.

If it’s a product you might create or a service you might offer, what is it, what problem does it solve for your customer?

It may be a refined version of yesterday’s idea or it may be a totally new idea.

  • Pay attention to your dreams.
  • Watch for serendipitous moments in your day.
  • Talk to people and tell them what you do.
  • Listen and be open to ideas from unusual sources.
  • Break up your routine and see what gets stirred up.
  • Ask better questions.
  • Practice saying “Yes!”  (Make sure you include the exclamation point!)
  • Start your day with this prayer from Marianne Williamson‘s book, The Law of Divine Compensation:  “Where would you have me go?  What would you have me do?  What would you have me say, and to whom?”

The Universe is trying to get your attention.  Whatever opportunities it presents are precisely the ones you are ready to act on.

Welcome all ideas no matter how weird, absurd or hula-hoop filled they are.

Above all, don’t worry about how any of them will come to life right now.

How is not the point.

You’ll generate a kaleidoscope of ideas over the course of time.   Some will be greeted with a resounding, “Meh,” while others will be zingers that scream, “Yes!  Create me!”

Say “Yes!” to the zingers.  Those are the fun ones.

 

So, what are your three ideas for the day?  Leave a comment and let us know—zingers, absurdities, revolutionary—we’ll applaud them all!

The Secret about the Second Step on the Path to Prosperity

Okay, what comes after you decide what you want?

What’s next after you declare you want more money coming in? Six figures a year.  Seven!  Passive income enough to work ten hours a week?  Work that feels like play so you don’t even know you’re working because it’s so fun?

I want all those things, too!

Sometimes deciding what you want is exhausting.  And it’s only the first step!

Now is not the time to take a nap, though.

The second step is waiting and it’ll feel like you got off the Mexican bus with the chickens and the purple fringe dangling above the window and into a sleek Porsche.  On the Autobahn.

The second step doesn’t go in a direction that seems intuitive, so I wanted to share a secret about step two on the path to making the dream of amazing money come true.  Or any dream, really.

Here’s the secret that puts gas in the tank.

After I answer the question, “What do I want?” and come up with a satisfying answer that rings true and that compels me to keep going, it’s the follow-up question that puts gas in the tank for me.

After answering, “What do I want,” I ask, “What will having that do for me?”

That question is high-octane!

Keep asking, “What will having that do for me?” and be curious about where it leads.

It takes you to a deeper place beyond the surface desire of more money or less jiggly upper arms or a lucrative career as a hoop dancer or a soul-mate that’s really a soul-mate this time.  Or a safe trip on a Mexican bus.  (BTW, if you have to travel on a Mexican bus, DO NOT Google “Mexican bus.”  Scary.)

Going to the Promised Land in a Porche

That question—”What will having less jiggly upper arms do for me?”— will lead to the promised land.

The promised land is actually a feeling state that you are really craving when you say you want what you want.

Here’s an example:

Personally, I want to be be able to receive money more easily, specifically $10,000 over the next 30 days.

“What will having that do for me?” I ask myself.

It will allow me to take a course I really want to take.  It will allow me to quit my day job.  It will allow us to finish our kitchen remodel.

What else?

It will allow me to feel like I’m walking my talk, like I deserve to call myself a Transformational Money Coach, to feel authentic in my work, to feel real.

Great, you’re getting in there.  Go deeper.  What else will having that do for you?

I’ll feel more confident in my work.  I’ll feel more secure.  I’ll feel worthy.  And, I’ll feel relief.

Being able to receive money will help me trust the process and believe that I’m always taken care of, that the Universe has my back, that I’ll be able to achieve what I’m here to do in the world.

It will ease the stress of me feeling like a fraud for teaching people about money and wealth consciousness when I haven’t straightened out my own money story, when I still have my own blocks I’m working on, especially that one that says I don’t deserve it, I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, yet.  (Clouds part, angels sing.  I’m uncomfortable, but this rings true.)

It will help me feel okay with where I am on my journey.  And it will help me trust deeply that when I’m open to receiving, the money flows easily and effortlessly.

So what is it that you want?

I want to feel like I am exactly where I need to be now in my own journey to prosperity and I want to feel like my experiences have value to my clients.   I want to feel okay and supported by the Universe.  And I want to feel like I deserve the goodness and the abundance that life has to offer.  I want to value myself and my work deeply.

Phew!  Excuse me while I take a breath.

Ultimately, it’s really not about the money or the being open to receive.

And all those things I really want—to feel okay, to feel free to be who and where I am right now, to feel authentic, to feel like I’m contributing even though I’m not perfect?

I’m sure I can find other ways to start experiencing those feelings in my life even before I manifest that $10,000 and exploring those other ways might be a good next step.  But we’ll save that for another day.

It’s messy, yes.  And a little uncomfortable.

But answering the question—What will having that do for you?—gets me closer to my core desired feelings (as Danielle LaPorte would call them).  And it’s given me some glimpses into where I might still be stuck, what I might ned to let go of to get to that feeling state I crave.

So, what is it that you desire, Sweet Pea?  And, more importantly, what will having that do for you? Please let me know in the comments below.

Forever on your side!!

 

 

What’s Your Happy Place?

Seven hikes, ten days, New Hampshire 2014.

Miles hiked:  47.

Vertical feet climbed:  14,838.

One pair of pants.

Zero blisters (a minor miracle).

One mountain closer to the Four Thousand Footers Club.  (Thank you, Mt. Carrigain!)

 

I may be home, but I’m not quite back from vacation, yet.

 

On the way home, we binged on The Moth Radio Hour, one of my favorite podcasts.  People tell their stories before a live audience.  One storyteller mentioned that his happy place was in the car eating an Egg McMuffin.

 

My happy place is in nature, preferable on top of mountains.  So I thought I’d just share a few photos from the happy places we climbed last week.  Just until my brain starts working normally again.

 

(No blisters.  Truly miraculous.)

 

One1
Going up.

 

Two2
Boott Spur

 

Going down.  The only thing standing between me and the car.
Going down. The only thing standing between me and the car.

 

He's in his happy place, too.
He’s in his happy place, too.

 

Be still, my beating heart!
Be still, my beating heart!

 

Seven
Lovely alpine lake.

 

We're going up there!
We’re going up there!

 

Just about to go over the top.
Just about to go over the top.

 

Twenty-two minutes.  Twenty-two glorious minutes to ourselves at the top of Mt. Willard.  Followed by busloads of people in white tennis shoes who got up late and ate at Flapjacks first.  We rock.
Twenty-two minutes. Twenty-two glorious minutes to ourselves at the top of Mt. Willard. Followed by busloads of people in white tennis shoes who got up late and ate at Flapjacks first. We rock.

 

I could live in a town like this.
I could live in a town like this.

 

Fifteen
Same town. Littleton…home of Pollyanna. They really want you to be glad, here.

 

Trail hounds.
Trail hounds.

 

Your turn!  Leave a comment below and tell us, what’s your happy place?